Open Letter

Open letter to submissive men (a few in particular are in my head as I write this):

If you are really and truly serious about serving a Woman, you need to confront your selfish behavior. This is the first step -- everything else that you're doing (jerking off to videos, wasting the time of honest Dommes like me, buying kit you never use, wasting the time of honest Dommes, cruising the websites of pro-Dommes or OWK picture sites, wasting the time of honest Dommes, etc.) are things you are doing only for yourself. While you might be fantasizing about the idea of being at my service, I am actually interested in you really being at my service. So, you need to ask yourself: do you want it to be only in your mind or do you really want to do the work to make it happen in reality? Because, I hate to break this to you, but it is work. It isn't easy, it isn't just like the fantasies you spend 99% of your life considering. There are times when I am going to be really displeased with you, and you have to deal with that. If you run away and avoid me, that makes things significantly worse -- you are the furthest away from true submissiveness when you avoid the reality of a pissed-off Domme. When you run away like that, you are being an asshole, not a submissive.

Unfortunately, your biology makes you a little slow to understand your own emotions and, in particular, the emotional responses of Women to you. Emotional logic is murky, it doesn't follow rational, consistent rules. But there are some general principles.

1. When in doubt, face the facts and apologize. Seriously, is an apology really all that bad? Being wrong isn't a sign of weakness -- it is just an inevitable fact of being alive. I lived in an Asian country for 2 years and you really can't function unless you learn the art of the apology. Even if I didn't think I actually did anything, I'd still apologize -- it smoothes the way for a conversation. I often found that if I apologized, I'd get an apology in return -- very rarely is an apology truly one-sided, since most conflict requires two parties.

You show that you are serious about serving a Woman when you can get down on your knees and apologize. You are reversing your life-long path of selfishness when you learn to apologize. You are truly serving her when you apologize. Get over yourself, and apologize.

2. If you say you're going to do something, do it, or explain why you can't. I can't tell you the number of times someone has told me he'll do something, and then, when the moment of truth comes, there is nothing but silence. The boy is MIA -- and I know exactly what he's doing. He's off being afraid, doubting himself, doubting that this is what he wants, freaking out over one thing or another. That's fine -- I can't argue with a moment of doubt. What I can argue with, however, is not communicating about it. All you have to say is, "I'm having trouble; I'm scared." And then, we can either talk about it, or I can let you deal with it on your own. But to say nothing, to simply avoid a Dominant Woman -- that's an insult. You disrespect Her when you cut Her out of the loop like that.

Consider the fact that you might actually feel better if you share it with Her openly. Your vulnerability and your lack of control is not a threat to me -- if anything, I find it attractive. I find it compelling and interesting if you can share that with me, and if you will trust me enough to work through it with me. You can't figure these things out on your own -- you need help. It might turn out that My experience and My wisdom might be the thing you need. What have you got to lose, really?

3. Realize the facts: there are more submissive men than there are Dominant Women. If you waste my time, I'm moving on. I will not linger on you. I have the luxury and the privilege of infinite choice. I do not have to put up with your bullshit. No matter what your mother told you, you are really not so unique and so special that I have to wait on you to get a clue. Even for vanilla women, this is pretty true -- we can get sex any time we want it, but our power is that we don't really need it. (Also, the power of batteries makes you a little inessential.) Mental health professionals will tell you that men suffer without a parter, Women cope and move on. So, this means you need to get your shit together, because your window of opportunity with a Dominant woman is short-lived. If you show Her during that time that you will only give her grief and selfish behavior, She's learned what She needs to know about you, and She's out the door. Take advantage of the moment you're given, and show Her that you deserve Her attention. Otherwise, expect to be forgotten quickly.

4. If you want a second chance, earn a second chance. I have noticed that there's a pattern with submissive boys -- they fuck up, and then they come back with some half-hearted attempt to see if I've changed my mind about them. Sometimes it takes days, weeks, or months, but nearly all of them seek me out at some point, and make some pathetic attempt to regain my attention. Sometimes, they send me a passive little IM or text message. Sometimes, a little one-line email that they think will soften me up. Please refer above to the line about how only your mother thinks you're that special. I don't ever grant a second chance unless I'm seeing that someone has made a concerted, real effort to show me that actual change has taken place: he has realized his mistake, taken steps to get his head in order, made a heartfelt and sincere attempt to show me this change and it seems possible that his bullshit might not happen again. I can tell you that this happens only about 1% of the time, despite the fact that I make it clear that I will grant earned second chances. So few boys actually earn them -- they labor under the mistaken delusion that they deserve them.

So there you go -- the four things I wish submissive men would truly understand and incorporate into their emotional sense of themselves. I'm sure I could come up with hundreds of others, but that's what stands out tonight. Honestly, I wasn't thrilled about writing this entry -- I would much rather just get down to the very fun business of using you for my own pleasure. This is all time I could have spent getting a foot massage or training a bath slave. The world would be a much better place if somebody reads this tonight and gets over himself, for once and for all.